Is It Just Me?

Recently, the hubs and I have started to research adoption. We've wanted to add to our family for many years but have been unable. About a week ago, we discussed it and started doing a bit of online research. At first, I was very excited and eagerly scoured every web site I could find on the topic. Once I got into the financial research, I became a little discouraged. Adoption is ridiculously expensive, whether domestic or international. We know there are loans and grants out there but just the initial costs were mind blowing. We started to wonder where all of this money goes. While we don't have all of the answers, we did find agencies that revealed a little about the financial side of things.

Still, at least in my mind, it doesn't add up. Some agencies say that this money is for the work they do in overseeing that the birth mother goes to the doctor, she eats correctly, and gets proper addiction treatment if needed. If the birth mother has abused drugs or alcohol, the agency "makes sure" she stays clean while pregnant. I really understand that there is some work involved. What I don't get is why they charge 10k (on average) for the adoption. This figure doesn't even include medical expenses, if any, for the birth mother. It doesn't include a home study that adoptive parents must go through (and it's quite costly). It doesn't include the money you have to pay out of pocket for things like police reports (to prove you don't have a history of abuse), financial records, and even medical records. In some instances, particular agencies even ask you to pay for the birth mother's lodging, food, and gas. Remember, all of this is beyond the 10k the agency charges for the adoption.

Needless to say, we are disgusted at the system itself. There are so many children who need homes. There are so many that have never known what it is like to be part of a family. Each year, thousands of children "age out" of the process, meaning they become of legal age and can live independently. Many of them have no family to turn to for help. They are basically thrown out into the world with no concept of what it feels like to have the support of a loving family. I just don't understand why it is so hard. It's frustrating, makes me angry, and makes me want to cry all at the same time. And then we have to wonder....if we put this kind of money into adoption, aren't we just supporting the corrupt practices of this system? I don't have answers to all of these questions and that frustrates me. Why, somebody please tell me, would any agency, adoption or government (DCS), deny any child the right to a loving home and family based on our inability to fork out the tens of thousands of dollars it supposedly costs? Maybe it's just me....maybe I just don't get it.